The YAMAMOTO Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by Equif
Summary: Thank you for purchasing a YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit. Please read the enclosed manual to make sure you get the most out of your aspiring writer. 8059 pairing mentions.


**Warning: **Overkill of references from xreadysetcrashx's "Yamamoto stories", repeat mentions of the epic last scene where Yamamoto gets defeated by a wall, his undying love for Gokudera, 'Oretachi no Joy' lyrics: WHAT IT ACTUALLY MEANS, pokemon for inspiration, the slogan generator for giving such _WONDERFUL _slogans, the overuse of the word "mofo" by the HAYATO GOKUDERA unit because this fic wants to stay rated as PG, repetitive "MILLEFORE PLAYSET (NOW WITH MOVING CUBES)" phrase...you get the idea. It's utter insanity and crack orz.

A/N: ORETACHI NO JOY IS REALLY DIFFICULT TO INTERPRET. DX (Since it's already quite obvious in the first place..oh, the overflowing of gayness. xD) Once again, I apologize in advance if my interpretation skills died at some parts. I almost died (of laughter) while attempting to write this..xD The (mis)interpretation of "Oretachi no Love-err, Joy" part will definitely lean more of towards 8059 than 802759. I do not own this format, it belongs to Theresa Green, I don't own KHR either hahaha...

**Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual to YAMAMOTO TAKESHI  
**

**YAMAMOTO TAKESHI  
**

BASEBALL PLAYER/SWORD MASTER/NAIVE, FUN AND CAREFREE BOYFRIEND/PROBABLY A SEME UNDERNEATH/MISCHIEF MAKER IN DISGUISE/ASPIRING (EPIC AND FULL OF WIN) ROMANCE STORY WRITER OR TELLER/NOT AN 'S', BUT (PROBABLY) A 'M' GUY/HARD CORE GAMER, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF MAFIA RELATED/POTENTIAL KINDERGARTEN TEACHER/GOKUDERA'S OR HIBARI'S PRINCE OF SHINING HOPE AND LOVE

Congratulations on your purchase of a YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit! In order to fully utilize and enjoy your new unit, it is recommended you read and follow the instructions in the manual below.

**Technical Specifications**

Name: Yamamoto Takeshi (will also respond to "Yamamoto-san/kun", "Yama-chan/sama" and "Baseball idiot", "Master 8059 storyteller" Can be programmed to respond to names/phrases such as "The next James Bond-TUXMOTO("Baseball idiot? Tuxmoto? More like Tuxmofo or Failmofo", a GOKUDERA HAYATO unit would probably say)", "Wall Magnet", "Gokudera's husband/prince", "Mochhan", "Mochi-kun/chan", "Tomato" and the like)

Age: 13-15

Height: 177cm

Length:Enough to score a home run in your base...? -grins-

Weight: 63KG

Place of Manufacture: Nanmori Town secret underground facility, carefree baseball fanatics Section

Date of Manufacture: April 24th

**Your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI comes with the following accessories:**

Please consult this list in order to know you have been sent all of the following-

Nanmori Middle High School Uniform(x1)

Baseball bat that can turn into a fancy katana (x1)

_Shigure Kintoki _(x1)

Default glasses to look professional during story telling time_(x1)_

Owners' please take note: To have your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI become a aspiring story teller/writer, you might want to go down to the nearest stationery shop to buy a note book and pen for him. Remember to let your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI watch lovely-dovey cartoons like "Cinderella", "The Little Mermaid", "Sleeping Beauty", "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (or the REVISED EDITION: Haya-chan and the Seven Extreme Chibi Ryohei(s) STARRING-YAMAMOTO TAKESHI AS THE SAVIOUR-I MEAN, PRINCE), and the like. It would be even better if you were to throw in a GOKUDERA HAYATO unit with him.

**Removal**

Since this unit is a) not as murderous as a HIBARI KYOYA unit b) not that bomb-happy as the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit or c)a megalomaniac/monomaniac like the ROKUDO MUKURO unit, removal for this unit is fairly easy. It's just simply opening the box, hand over the proof of purchase to him, and while he's distracted, you might want to give him a light hit on the head to knock him out and go back to programming him. However, if you prefer to do it the more humorous way, you can request to have the "Bursting with questionable friendly feelings" mode to be switched on before shipping him out to you. To remove this unit with this mode on, you might want to grab your neighbour's GOKUDERA HAYATO unit or buy one yourself. Cling on to the protesting GOKUDERA HAYATO unit and stand near the box and shout this :

"OH YAMAMOTO! GOKUDERA IS HERE!" ("No, let go of me, damn it, I do not want to see that baseball idiot-and why are you shouting at a box?!")

Your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit would jump out of the box with the ever smiling face of his while yelling "Surprise, Gokudera! A very happy birthday to you! ("...it isn't my birthday today.") Ahahahaha...then I wish you a very early birthday then! ("-face palm-...baseball idiot.")"

Take this chance to 'accidentally' bump into the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit. Both units should suffer from an 'accidental kiss', with the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit reacting by throwing his dynamites at your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI, by which he will be successfully knocked out and you can go back to programming him.

Another alternative way will be to act out the below scene:

"Gokudera, stay still and let me-("Oh no you don't!")I mean it! Just take that pants off and wear this skir-("I REFUSE TO WEAR THAT, YOU CRAZY GIRL!")"Shut up or I will show Yamamoto the picture of that _lovely_ dress you wore during one of your missions!" ("...damn it.")

For this option your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit will jump out of the box with an interested and amused look on his face and the following exchange would take place below:

**YAMAMOTO:** "Hoh? What's up, Gokudera? Hey, is that a skirt? You look cute-"

**GOKUDERA:** "DIE, YOU STUPID BASEBALL MOFO OR WHATEVER YOU ARE!"

(BOOM)

_(GOKUDERA HAYATO grew to level 13. GOKUDERA HAYATO grew to level 14. GOKUDERA HAYATO has learnt EXTREME BOMBASTIC EXPLOSION!)_

**YAMAMOTO: **-is K.Oed. Replay?-

After the above scene, you can drag your K.Oed YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit to some other place and program him safety while the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit goes on a rampage outside.

**Programming**

You will find that your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit comes with a large number of functions. Some of these functions are listed below:

Baseball player: Your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI is totally nuts about baseball and plays baseball really well too. The both of you will have no problems in getting along extremely well at the first meeting if you share the same interest as him(Baseball, not the GOKUDERA unit). Your YAMAMOTO unit will come in handy when you need someone to teach you how to play this particular ball sport and also as an excellent substitute player when you need one. However, it is not advisable that you would let the YAMAMOTO TAKESHI teach the kids how to play baseball, as their lives would probably be endangered by your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI's "It's going to hurt like hell if you don't catch it" ball.

Sword Master: With his well above average sporting abilities, your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit has also picked up the way of sword. Let him dazzle you with the 9 forms (and counting) _Shigure Souen _and see him fight! Of course, the YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit can defeat almost everything, other than an unexpected wall around the corner or one that pops up from the ground suddenly. (Staff: BLAME THE GENKISHI unit for this.)

Kindergarten Teacher: With his easygoing and good natured personality, your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI will make a good kindergarten teacher! He's good with kids, but do note that please do NOT let him teach Physical Education lest you want to end up with a class full of injured, crying kids.

Boyfriend: 'nuff said. Life should taste as good as YAMAMOTO TAKESHI.

Storyteller: This function was just recently discovered by one of our staff. Your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit has a knack of telling wonderful stories that involves him and the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit, usually in romantic situations. However, his literacy works are sadly not exactly appreciated ("APPRECIATE? You are joking, right? HE WRITES LIKE, LIKE, LIKE SOME 6 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH SOME OBSESSION OF MUSHY LOVE STORIES.") by everyone...

Song Writer: Your TAKESHI YAMAMOTO is also a great song writer too! He's able to pen great love songs disguised under the name friendship and happy lyrics. His latest collaboration with the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit had produced one such example below.

**Oretachi no JOY! ("It's Love acutally, but Gokudera's too shy to admit it-("NO HELL WAY I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, MOFO.") Ahahahaha...")**

Written by: YAMAMOTO TAKESHI AND GOKUDERA HAYATO

WHAT THE LYRICS ACTUALLY means (Misinterpreted lyrics) by: Yamamoto Takeshi

**(Gokudera)**

The sneaker that rolled away that has always

Been abused by constant selfishness

_(Baseball idiot didn't take off his sneakers and lost it in the room while we're doing even when I told him to, it's his entire fault) _

**(Both)**

We look for it.

(_So we went under the bed to look for the sneakers, with occasional kisses in the midst of searching)_

**(Yamamoto)**

The rainy day I ran without an umbrella

(_However the search was futile, so I went home barefooted and without an umbrella)_

The breaks don't work because of rain

_(I can't stop and return back because of the raging love you've shown me, like torrential rain)_

And the wind gets even harsher.

_(The wind that fans my burning desire blows even stronger)_

**(Both)**

The right hand I couldn't reach out for the lost you

_(It was too late when I came, you were gone)_

**(Gokudera, Yamamoto)**

I still

In my heart

Bewildered, roamed about, for the light

_(However the feelings for you have never once stopped, it's still searching, roaming about in my heart, looking for you)_

**(Both, Gokudera, Yamoto solos)**

Hey! Let's cover our scars with our

Bonds that we would make it last even longer

_(HEY! Let's cover our past mistakes and wrongs with our undying love for each other)_

JOY! JOY! I want to see your smile so

(_LOVE! LOVE! It brings sunbeams and rainbows to my heart when I see you smile)_

I aim!

_(I aim for it)_

The one and only!

_(The one and only, what else other than that?)_

Yes! Home Run!

_(Yes, you got that right, the chance to hit home run in our relationship and on the bed)_

--

**(Gokudera)**

Everyday your hopes and dreams are scattered

(_Everyday, I can see those little signs of love from you everywhere, everytime)_

The two of us with similar life rhythms

_(I know I am right when the both of us are definitely alike)_

**(Both)**

Those days

(_Ah, those days without your love, how did I live through it?)_

**(Yamamoto)**

I couldn't be happy for other's happiness

_(It breaks my heart to see you getting with Tsuna so well, smiling and laughing when you're with him)_

Filled with jealousy, but in another hand

_(It feels me with envy but I am still madly in love with you)_

If my happiness continues long enough

(_The feelings I feel for you makes everyday light up with joy, those emotions that last)  
_

They will be uncomfortable like I was.

_(I'm afraid I might go loopy if I don't express them out)  
_

**(Both, Yamamoto and Gokudera Solos****)**

The feelings I shoved towards you

_(Those hard words and attitude that I have thrown in your face)_

When you were acting preposterous and reckless.

(_When you got hot headed and reckless)_  
Now, yes--

_(However, now, I change my mind)_  
With a direct attack--

_(This time I am going to say it out loud)_  
Show you, tell you, that I want to understand each other.

_(Together with my feelings, from the bottom of my heart, that I want to know everything about you)_

Never running away from rains and storms.

_(This time, together hand in hand)_

Hey! Even if it's so far from you:

_(HEY! Even if the one you love it's far out of your reach)_

To the life long precious things--

_(Treasure precious moments, his special smile, everything about him) _

JOY! JOY! To never give up

_(LOVE! LOVE! Never give up and go full steam ahead in winning over his heart)_

Is the best way;

Seems the long way;--

But it is the shortcut  
YEAH!

(_It may seem long and tedious but it's the best and the shortest way to win the one you love, YEAH!)_

Fly towards your heart

(_Flying straight into your heat in the speed of light)_

Dynamite and white balls.

_(With romantic explosions and passionate throws) _

Far away towards the blue sky

_(Together, we aim for the endless)_

That we vowed to.

_(That we had made a promise to)_

Ah the starlight, until that day.

_(Until that very day, we will aim for the starry skies)_

Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter  
The endless merry-go-round (Merry-go-round)  
Of encounters and partings that I repeat with you.  
To be reunited with you

_(No matter what seasons, no matter what time _

_The endless full of emotions and sorrowful partings we have to go through_

_We'll be reunited, together forever when that special day comes)-"**By special day, I mean wedding-(**"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOTIC BASEBALL-) **Now, Now, Gokudera, calm down ahahahahahaha-**("YOU'RE GOING TO DIE-JUUDAIME?! WAIT, NO, YAMAMOTO DOESN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT-NOOOOOOOO!")** Seems like Tsuna took it for real-**("**You** are going to pay for this afterwards. **I MEAN IT. AND STOP DOING YOUR FREAKY TRANSLATION THING. NOW.**") **hahaha..I think I'd better start running now?****"**  
_

**(Both, Yamamoto and Gokudera solos)**

Hey! Let's cover our life long scars  
With bonds that we will make last even longer.

_(HEY! Let's cover our past mistakes and wrongs with our undying love for each other)_

JOY! JOY! I want to see your smile so:

(_LOVE! LOVE! It brings sunbeams and rainbows to my heart when I see you smile)_

I aim--  
_(I aim for it)_

The one and only--  
_(The one and only, what else other than that?)_

Yes! Home Run!

_(Yes, you got that right, the chance to hit home run in our relationship and on the bed)_

LET'S GO! Dynamite and white balls fly toward your heart,

_LET'S GO! Togother with our strengths, we will win over your heart)_  
Aiming towards the blue sky!

_(Aiming for you and only you)_  
Our hopes spread wide--!

_(With our hopes soaring far and wide that we will get through you)_  
Ah the starlight, someday;

_(Ah that wonderful dream, we will get to it someday)_  
Our hopes spread wide--!

_(With our hopes soaring far and wide that we will get through you)_

Ah the starlight, until that day….

_(Ah that wonderful dream, until we get to it...WAIT FOR US! We're going to have Tsuna in our way!)-**"WHERE'S THAT 6 YEAR OLD MOFO?! I AM GOING TO KILL HIM." (**Staff: He ran. That way.)  
_

Prince of Shining Hope and Love: This mode only happens when your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI goes off into some random AU dream world of his, writes a story or breaks through the "Bursting with questionable feelings" mode. The (not going to be filmed, ever) revised edition of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs movie mentioned above stars the YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit in one such role.

**Your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI comes in the following modes:**

_I'm happy, I'm carefree, I'm also naive too by the way__(default mode 1)_

Emo Nut_(Locked until your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI hurts his arm and can't play his baseball, TSUNAYOSHI dies 9 years and 10 months later or Gokudera going all bitchy/touchy on him)  
_

Nostalgic(_Locked)_

Writing mood_(Locked)_

Serious_(Locked)_

Easygoing

OOC _(Locked)_

Protective

Good Natured

Questionable 'friendly' feelings(_Locked)_

Evil/Seme (Locked until the serious mode is on and GOKUDERA HAYATO unit is alone with your YAMAMOTO Takeshi unit. In a room.)

OOC: Or what the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit like to theme it as "The day that mofo finally went mad and brought me to the gay bar just because he had LISTENED to the song Gay Bar and wanted to know how it looked like". This mode can send your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI to act like the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit, sadistic like the ROKUDO MUKURO unit, the possibilities are ENDLESS. This mode should not be ever unlocked. (YOU: Then why the hell did you put this mode in?" STAFF: "The ROKUDO MUKURO unit brainwashed our minds to do it. He said it would be entertaining to see people trying the forbidden fruit.")

Writing Mood: Occasionally, your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI might hit upon an idea for stories, and he will enter this "happy in the scary kind of way" mood (Writing mood). Please do not disturb him while he is in this mode as we cannot guarantee your life.

Evil/Seme: This mode is achieved by simply just unlocking the OOC and Serious mode and also putting a certain GOKUDERA HAYATO unit with your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit together in a bedroom. See your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit evolve into KYOYA HIBARI in sadistic mode.

**Relations with other units:**

Your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit is pretty easy going and very accepting of people, so other than the dangerous peeps from the MILLEFORE PLAYSET (Now with moving cubes!), especially GENKISHI who had defeated him by just simply using a wall, there should be no problems interacting with other units. (**YAMAMOTO TAKESHI will be doing the commentaries for this little section)**

SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI:

"He's a really great person! A very important friend...although he really needs to have more courage to confess to Kyoko before she's taken...or before Tsuna's taken by some other people."

HIBARI KYOUYA:

_"_Really cool guy to be around with, if he wasn't that murderous around us. I wonder if Hibird's availble...I always wanted to borrow it and ask it to take some photos of baseball matches..."

GOKUDERA HAYATO:

"Gokudera? He's really royal to Tsuna! He's quite funny at times, quite cute at times, really reliable...don't tell him that I told you I had secretly wondered about those advanced explosive dynamites of his on whether it contained some small fireworks...ahahahaha!"

ROKUDO MUKURO:

"I find him interesting, although he is slightly creepy. I guess that's his role in this Mafia game? You know, every RPG game has to have some sort of an ecccentric villian like him...I wonder if he's an actual samba dance teacher and a professional illusionist."

LAMBO:

"Cute kid, pity that he doesn't like playing baseball with me much."

SQUALO:

"He's really good with swords, I admire him for having the skills on not to have his super long silver hair obstructing his fights...oh? Is there anything I suspect him about? Well, I think he is preparing to cosplay Sephiroth...or he has a Sephiroth complex."

**SQUALO:** I SO DO NOT HAVE A SEPHIROTH COMPLEX-

"Ah Squalo-"

**SQUALO: **It's called personal interest, personal interest! VOIIIIIIIII!

"Ahahahahahaha, personal interest it is then."

**SQUALO: **Good. I will spar with you later when I have the time...-goes off-

_(Yamamoto's convinced that Squalo has a Sephiroth complex now.)_

**Cleaning**

Your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. However, it is not advisable to have him barging into the bathroom when the GOKUDERA HAYATO is still bathing, unless to you hate your bathroom and wants it to be demollished.

**Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)**

Question: I want my YAMAMOTO TAKESHI to make the "Haya-chan and the seven extreme chibi Ryoheis" movie, but the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit is less than happy to co-operate.

Answer: All you have to do is to employ a GIOTTO unit as the director, have your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI star as the Prince and switch on him over to the "Prince of shining Love and Hope" function, turn on the Gokudera "OOC mode". The SASAGAWA RYOHEI unit will be extremely happy to take up his role.

Question: My YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit goes slightly insane when he's writing stories and his diary. Is that normal?

Answer: Rest assurred, this is normal. Your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit needs the insanity to create awesome stories and also to write his diary. However, please do not have him cooped up indoors for too long, or else your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit will sulk from the lack of baseball.

Question: I love my YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit! Can I buy another one?

Answer: We're sorry, but you are only entitled to one YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit per household.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: Your YAMAMOTO Takeshi unit went nuts and starts to treat everywhere as a baseball court and starts hitting every object in sight.

Solution:Off that "OOC" mode. Now. We told you it was unstable...however, if you do insist on having it on, you can delete that particular personality trait. Of course, if it's not on, your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit might had watched and played too much baseball or he is in the emo nut mode. If it's the former, immediately start banning him from baseball. If it's the latter, get a SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI unit to console him. You can also get a GOKUDERA HAYATO unit to console if the SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI unit is dead or apologise if he's the cause of the problem.

Problem:The Shigure Kintoki went missing/broke into half.

Solution: If the Shigure Kintoki is missing, go and dig it out. Now. Did you allow any LAMBO units in? The sword might be still in his possession. If you can't find the sword or you had broke it, there's nothing we can do, we're screwed until over the next life now. Well, at least it had been nice knowing you what it lasted, YAMAMOTO.

**Others  
**

If you would like to purchase more than one type of glasses, please call 1800-YAMAGOCHAN-4EVA or visit www(dot) awesomeglassesforyamamoto (dot) com to place an order.

**Conclusion**

With the proper care, you will find that your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI will be the most kick-ass and coolest out of all the VONGOLA GUARDIANS SET. As he is a certified Bishounen™, your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit will attract fan girls like how bees flock to honey. However, do remember that since your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI is also a writer, when he starts asking you to buy him a small little crown, lots of pens and notebooks and get the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit over to his room as often as possible, you know it's time to get the GIOTTO unit and ask him to direct some movie involving a beauty, a prince, an evil and creepy villain, annoying but good people and of course, lots of love and happy endings. Till then, sit back, relax and enjoy your now exciting. Remember, life should taste as good as your YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit, and we advise you should probably NOT buy a can of whipped cream and show it to him while he's in the writing mood..things might just get a little out of hand after that.

--

This manual is made cracky possible with a concoction of references from xreadysetcrashx's yamamoto stories, the YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit himself helping the staff in writing this manual ("Ahahahaha, it's nothing, really!"), the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit for the commentaries ("You blackmailed me with that crazy (glances at the mruderous TYL!Hibari behind him who was blackmailed by our staff to bite GOKUDERA to death if he doesn't comply to do the commentaries) _old coot! (Yes, Hibari, he's refering to you as the crazy old coot.) (**...I am going to bite you to death. DIE.)**"_) and of course Yamamoto and Gokudera's awesome combination in writing "Oretachi no JOY!"

--

IHOPEYOUHAVEENJOYEDTHIS.


End file.
